It’s a sunny 1 of April in London town and I decided to create this blog on something of a whim, but out of recognition that I need somewhere to write about the body and soul destroying effects of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and all that it brings in its wake – the boom and bust cycles of trying to have a child and failing, hairiness, weight gain and other serious physical health issues. But this blog is also part of my fightback against PCOS. PCOS and I are old foes and it has had me on the mat for too long now. I have decided to seize it by the scruff of the neck and regain some control over my body. You see, I would dearly, dearly love to have another child. I have been trying to get pregnant for long enough to accept that for the moment I can’t, at least not without seriously expensive medical intervention! I know that my best chance to change this lies in acting on all the nutritional advice relating to PCOS (studiously ignored to date while I poured wine down my throat and felt sorry for myself), losing the excess weight to improve the hormone imbalance caused by PCOS (3 bloody stone of it) and improving my physical and emotional health. Plus learning as much as I can about the disorder.
I have lived with PCOS since I was 13, yet it is only now, at the age of 34, that I am beginning to connect the dots and understand the devastating effect it has had on my self-esteem, my relationship with my own body and my sense of self. PCOS has undermined my sense of femininity to such an extent that I sometimes feel like an imposter in my own gender and that I am not entitled to the “traditional” trappings of femininity, for example a bit of makeup and some nice clothes.
The challenge for me is to take all the anger I feel at my body and use it towards a positive end. I hope that this is the start of that process and that along the way I will make peace with my body. And maybe a baby.
There are loads of women out there who suffer from PCOS, but due to it’s often embarrassing nature, we don’t like to talk about it much. So this is the place I will come to talk.